Quicksand

Place another notch in that door post for the next age that I’ve survived.

I think the total is up to nineteen now even though i should have died a few years ago.

People always tell me that I’m so negative because i don’t have these big birthday bashes

The ones where everyone shows up and leaves completely spent and wasted.

What is the point of celebrating the fact that i am one year closer to death?

In celebrating the fact that i am still failing my mission as declared by my God?

Drowning is so much fun isnt it?

If anything i would prefer a jubilee over the fact that I’m still alive.

the devil’s been inside me and established an outpost somewhere in here.

And so i will wait two years necessary until i can drink myself into a stupor

and it would be called legal.

but for now im going to fill these hurting lungs with smoke out back

and think about the fact that everything i knew about my life is proven false every day i exist. Here’s to another day of pain and tears

and as I swallow the last drop of this bottle I can feel it wallowing in my throat

with the last intake of a cigarette it waits for me to exhale so it can escape

I’m so used to letting them win that I expect loss but not this time

God, if you could be of some sort of assistance.

I’m going to try and hold these demons in this body as long as I can

But the room is getting smaller as the oxygen ceases to flow to my brain

Can you turn the lights back on? I seem to have lost my path

Everything has begun to spin and I believe I have achieve total numbness

This must be the reason why so many people drink the toxins that they do

I can’t feel anything anymore and I’m ok with that, are you?

Isn’t it so much easier to run from it all than to turn the other cheek and stare it in the face?

Define your terms before you lose all hope in me because I can only try so hard before I lose all sense of energy

And you’re lack of effort to save me from myself only allows their words to continue to infiltrate

I’ve spent 19 years trying to hold this all in and it’s time that my doubts become known

Where have we been and why did we go from everything that was ours?

Hopefully I can get this cleaned up in time for my parents to never know that inside I’m another tormented soul.

If you’ll excuse me though it’s time for me to take my pills and fix myself

I do pray that you have another day surviving in the quicksand