There Was A Time

There was a time.

There was a time when I found that I was a broken man.

When I found that pain and addiction were real,

even if I didn’t have the nerve to feel.

It was up late on my computer when images of things,

not meant for kids were seen

and I found myself drooling over them like a fiend.

Like a prisoner.

I was a slave and this was the hope for freedom.

And this is not easy to say nor is it easy to think about

because I had become the least of these.

A form of charity because my heart was weak

and my hands were of the demons inside me.

I don’t remember fighting but I remember:

watching as my image of God's children was tarnished in a few minutes of selfish desire.

I am flawed but I am loved.

You are flawed but you are loved unconditionally

because conditions have a knack for becoming legal documents that we sign our names to

and soon we are lost in a world of legalism and disadvantage

but God’s love is nothing like that

His grace is a gift that we are not meant to understand

And that is ok

That is all right with me

Is it all right with you?

Because if it is not all right with you there is a problem here

I found that healing comes to the broken first

But you must admit that you are broken to be healed

Otherwise your pride will cause you to be overlooked

And you will find yourself on the doormat where mothers weep

And fathers cry

And teeth gnash against each other like brothers who cannot decide what game to play

But my hands have found their restraints in healing

And those images that I will remember until I am old and faint and my skin is peeling

They will be forgiven and I pray to this day

That you ask and seek and find as the good Lord did say