Response to MTV's Real World: Cancun S22E5

If you have not seen this episode, you can view it here:

http://www.mtv.com/videos/the-real-world-cancun-ep-5-payback-piglets-and-projects/1616252/playlist.jhtml

This episode is heavy. The main issue is that of self-injury, something that I've had experiences with, and believe can be fully prevented and treated. Ayiiia feels unwanted and unloved. She feels like everyone of the male gender stands against her on the show. She feels alone. I understand that it may appear that Ayiiia is looking for attention and that she might be faking her feelings so that she gets more time on the air. I understand that it appears that she is a drama queen and blah, blah, blah. I get that. However, self-injury is no joke. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is real, and people's lives are taken from it. I feel that MTV handled this well, not the best, but well. I don't know what was happening behind the scenes, or how whether or not it was scripted or whether certain people were paid more to have less compassion or any of that. If it was not presented in the show I don't know about it. End of that story. When Ayiiia was cutting herself and acting out her agression, depression, what have you, she found herself in the arms of people that wanted to make a difference in her life. These people wanted the best for her, whether it was an encouraging word, a hug, or just their simple presence in tough times, I believe that these people reminded her that she is human and worth more. Even when Joey, CJ, and Bronne continuously insulted her and poured salt in Ayiiia's fresh wounds, these people stood by her and supported her and loved on her even though it was a situation beyond them. At the end of the episode were two things that significantly struck a chord within me. The first were the encouraging words of Emily? or Jonna (I've never watched this before). The words, "I know what it's like to reach rock bottom and have nobody, but I'm here for you," are so much more powerful than we often think. It reminds people that they are not alone in their struggles, that we are all on the same plane, and that there is hope for tomorrow. The second thing was the Public Service Announcement at the end of the show. It's as simple as this: go to this website, call this number. It's over. That's all it takes to make a difference. From the comments I've read on the page, numerous people that watch this show deal with, or have dealt, with the issue of self-injury. This show was distributed, via the internet and MTV, to millions of people across the globe. This was the chance for a life-saving conversation to spark. A chance for people to get help for the things they hide a way. A chance for hurt to be ceased. It's provided hope for thousands who only see the darkness before them. Though MTV's Real World: Cancun may not have been the best way to get reality before the world, it has, and it's worked. Today is the day an issue that has been ignored is given light. I believe MTV has done the right thing by airing this episode, and I'll take as much flak for that as can be dished out. This is why organizations like To Write Love On Her Arms exist. It's time to become a vulnerable people that let our issues be known. The only ways to kill the monsters in our closet is to open the door and stab at them, or blow the whole house up. One of TWLOHA's staff stated it like this: "When faced with an issue they don't understand, like self-injury, people can either antagonize, sympathize, or become apathetic."

If you struggle with this, there is hope. You are not alone. There are places like halfofus.com and Twloha.com that can provide a light. There are numbers you can call 1-800-DONTCUT, 1-800-SUICIDE, t-800-273-TALK. You don't have to carry this burden by yourself. You aren't the only one that has ever felt this way. There is a community of people that believes in you. You are worth more.

My God Is Greater

Last night I had the fantastic opportunity to do something that I've felt lead to do for about three years. I got up in front of a group of students, shared my testimony, and lead worship. If any of you know my story, you know how difficult it was for me to do this. I've been to a lot of dark places, but God has always sought after me and reminded me that I am worth something, and that I am remembered and never forgotten. This was the message I had a chance to share with 57 kids last night: you are worth more than the things you can do for others, you are worth more than the things you can't do for others, you are someone, you are God's unique creation, it's not about what you accomplish but rather your existence, you are worth something. God was totally in the room last night and it was proven when I lead the students and staff in two songs: "Dirty and Left Out" by The Almost, and "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan. These songs are two very powerful ones, and as I began to sang, the kids began to sing. In the middle of "How He Loves" I stopped playing and told the kids that when I hit the chorus the second time I wanted them to belt it out to God. I wanted them to sing as loud as possible to a God who doesn't care about pitch or tone, but who cares about what comes from the heart as opposed to the head. When I hit the chorus, I was not prepared for what I was about to hear. 57 kids were shouting at the top of their lungs and the whole room was filled with music. I instantly began to cry. God was moving in the spirits of these students. After I finished my set of everything, I had about 12 kids walk up to me and explain how much my words and songs meant to them. I had the chance to pray with a few of them, but talk with a lot and remind them that they are worth something. That they are beautiful people that God is going to use to lead a generation to Christ. God was in a garage in South Sacramento, Ca on a Tuesday night at 8 pm. God is moving this world, this generation of kids who hold beliefs so strong that they will never back down. My God will never back down. My God is greater than this world and a movement is about to blow the lid off of everything we have ever imagined.

Jesus Loves You, This I Know

The title of the new book by Craig Gross and Jason Harper may bring back powerful memories of warm afternoons spent in Sunday school in one's Sunday best; however, for many, the name, Jesus, may fill their hearts with rage and anger. The contents of the book do neither of these for me personally. The best way to describe this book is simple, but so profound. Craig and Jason write this book in order to break the trend in culture that says Jesus was a strict ruler and governs all of the laws of Christianity. The authors attempt, and I believe succeed, at breaking down the walls of religious dogma and take the reader back into the scriptures to show what Jesus was truly like and how he would truly act. The book itself is filled with fantastic stories and personal examples from the lives of both of these men. Each illustration is perfectly placed to show how Jesus loves all people of all societies. I am recommending this book to everyone out there who reads this. My perspective on Jesus has been absolutely annihilated, but in the most encouraging of ways. Pick this book up September 1, 2009.

Christians

I’m not going to apologize for my next sentence.

You are defacing the church.

Smiles don’t reach across the waters and money doesn’t solve all things.

If you hide your claws you will have nothing to keep a grip.

Away with all of your slogans.

The son doesn’t need another flashy t-shirt for you to declare your faith.

The clothing oft makes the man, but your words are the only thing that can save a brother, sister. I mean have you ever had a deep discussion about NT Wright’s latest book with a pair of socks that read john 3:16.

That’s preposterous.

Formulas work for some, but the diluted pattern of discussion soon allows the second party to see that you don’t mean much by it.

Words should come from the heart not the new best seller in the Christian market.

And I know you might mean the best and that you intend on changing the hearts of men

but your fishing with rotten bait.

Times are changing. Your methods must too.

Straighten out your back because I wont do it for you

Our god has made us too pretty and we cant help but stare in the mirror.

We just forget about the real issues the least struggle with.

As we spend point eight five cents a page for an inward appearance,

the man on the corner freezes or melts depending on the season.

We are broken and out of key.

Let us find our reality once again so we may be released from the hooks that keep us tethered to the lies from the deception artist himself.

Look up and say your prayers.

Look left and use your hands to solve the isolation issue.

Serve under Christ’s kingdom.

To be happy is to suck.

Terrorists

My God is a terrorist

And I don’t mean that with any disrespect

It’s just the best way for me to look at Him

To try and fit something in my mind about his infinite greatness

When we were created we were meant to be loved unconditionally

But we fell apart and were kicked out of God’s great city

And ever since then life has been a struggle

As we push forward serpents attack our heels

And we must crush their skulls before the venom has enough time to make it to our arteries

Every person that is called towards my Lord is part of something bigger

Not just a religion or a relationship

We are called to fight in a war

Or better yet, the great tug-of-war

All around us lies the vast sadness

The overwhelming lack of goodness in the world

And our God is fighting to bring his heaven back to earth

To redeem the city that we sleep in

To bring hope back to the streets and the alleys

Once I was washed anew I was baptized by fire

The refining fire that tells me of the battle I will engage in

I was trained up in the way of the Lord

Given a sword of spirit

And a shield of faith

The freedom to take my battle to unknown lands

I am a soldier

We are the insurgents

Fighting to bring back sovereignty to our Father

Our Creator

Our Everlasting

And it’s not that he ever lost his sovereignty

He limits Himself to give us another purpose

To consistently turn others towards the way

This is not a crusade

This is not a holy war

Its an invisible battle over salvation

We have nothing to lose except our place in the afterlife

This time is ours, take up your sword and begin to fight with love

To aim compassion towards the Establishment and fire at will

This is a love war

Join us and fight.

The Following Takes Place Between 12 AM and 1 AM

my mother never told me that I was special.

and daddy never told me that he was proud of me.

so to fulfill my purpose and to make them proud I wanted to live for something that was bigger than my hopes and dreams

But I scribbled out that plan with a black magnum sharpie.

You can say its that shame that keeps me sinking down the periodic climb up the ladder of life,

but I know that it's more of a heart issue than one of mass and gravity.

I've always had my doubts about divination but never before were they in technicolor, 3D, larger than life coming off that page while the ghosts of my past were still standing right beside me.

Little boy welcome to failure.

I hope you make yourself comfortable.

I get the feeling that we will become the best of friends while you have life in those veins.

So, I drafted a new plan to slash theses wrists in an effort to get all the failure out while I can.

I will always compromise when the weight is right,

upon my back with seemingly no way out of a house of mirrors

I will always compromise when the weight is right,

and it doesn't take much to make me start to sink.

I was told that my bones would start to break before my body would bleed and I thought I'd put that theory to the test

There is only so much that you can do as a 13 year old boy to relieve the sensations that those 13 year old boys feel

and the list of things to put my faith in seems to be on a downward slope

I've read:

"I set my mind on this and therefore I have hope"

I can't even seem to find a way to cope with the new messages that are being sent to my brain electronically

Call it hormones, call it ecstasy

Hell, you can even call it the latest disease

But something inside me is broken and not easily fixed and I'm thinking that my presence on the earth will only be lightly missed

Someone tell me that Satan has gotten ahold of me one more time and I swear to God that I will start to ascend to the skies.

This life that I lived was supposed to be one that I could call me own

But I'm afraid that my only option is to cut my skin down to my bone

The syllables roll of their tongues in a way that makes me think that the voices are true.

I'm going crazy and my hand is outstretched but ignored by you.

It's funny how the subtraction of words from a few sentences changes the meaning entirely.

I would love to help you, boy.

used to look a lot like

I would love to help, but I hate you.

Isn't this the point where Angels descend and the heart in my chest is made well again?

I guess not or maybe the demons have too deep a hand.

Should I change my name to Legion

Or will God afflict me again?

Lord, I want to believe in you so badly

but, the thorns around my heart have taken over your throne.

Maybe if you save me one more time I'll allow you to cast the first stone

and pray to you that it makes a dent in the door that is keeping my closet closed.

I've only got so much time left in this life

and all these events have taken place with my hand upon a knife.