The Last Time

God, the last time I cried was September 24, after releasing you from your box

You rebuked me once I let you go, but I know it was out of love

It was just after that precious girl threw her arms around my neck

As I pulled her close with tear filled eyes she whispered,
“6 months ago would you have ever thought that you would have told your story to this many people? You’re changing lives, Danny.”

And right around then I held her tighter and lost all control over my water works.

God, I thank you so much for the presence of that girl in my life and the words you gave her to stir my soul

But in the times of drought when your voice is gone with the wind I search and seek and fall asleep in the middle of my mission

When I get scared I turn to others for comfort because who needs a savior when you have big, burly friends?

Who needs a God when you have medicine to fix the things that years ago you would have died from?

I wish that I could turn you into some form of material so that I could understand you

Something like my teddy and bankey I had when I was younger

So that if I ever got scared I’d hold them both close for some faulty sense of security

But I’m getting a little bit older with every second and I find myself questioning your grace amazing

Because my mind won’t stop pacing due to the fact that my questions are facing something eternal and true

I just want to understand you

It would be so much easier if I could wrap my brain around eternity

But for the last ten years the god that served me lived inside this silly cardboard box and I’d forget to feed him for a few days and then fear the fact that if I tried to open that cage he’d push me aside and try to escape.
I’m so sick of feeling like I’m the only one who has ever doubted you, if You love me so much why can’t you just make me love you

Why do I have to go through all of the questions of whether you exist and how great your sovereignty is and the stupid little details that I pay attention to

Do you even pay attention to those things? Or am I just chasing the wind trying to add up a bunch of adjectives to build you a slightly bigger box and force you back in

I know that some day you’re gonna break out of this cage and leave me here to stay and rot because of all the things I did when I should have not

Or is this my faulty theology that makes me wonder about your wonder and wish that I knew everything about the great I AM

I understand alpha and omega, but beginning and end….really?

I’ve got so many questions and none are getting answered

But every where I look you keep telling me to shut my mouth and be still and know you are God

I don’t even know what it is to know because my stupid philosophy class makes me doubt everything I’ve ever known.

God, the Last time I cried was September 25, 2009 out of frustration because my bridge is burning at both ends all the time

Coitus Interruptus

Coitus interruptus (To interrupt sexual intercourse before climax)
Come out of her, America. Come out of this empire that seeks to destroy you
How can the mustard seed ever be crushed when it stays in power
How can you hold a six figure salary and live like Jesus did?
“Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests but the son of man has no place to lay his head”
Does this mean anything to you at all?
Sweet forgiven child you have been so mistaken.
These chariots have found themselves connected with you
Take his word to the ends of the earth
We are so focused upon our niche of friends.
Release the ties that hold you to the President
But give to Caesar what is Caesar’s
The trumpet is going to blow and we are all going to be dethroned
Now is the time for us to move within this city
We are the underground citizens
We must all fight for the cause in secret
For we have the truth
We are going to rise up and kill the devil
Oh God, you’re raising an army in the belly of this whore.
She has chosen to feed on the blood of your dead martyrs.
The birth pangs have started.
It’s almost time to rise up, to see the light this world is holding for us.
He’s reaching through everything, he’s working on a way to bring us back to him.
Our God is greater than the Executive Chief.
Don’t you dare think about serving a second master.
Babylon will fall again and again and again.
Maybe by the fortieth time she’ll finally choose to lay down die.
Baptize the world my friends, my fellow soldiers.
From Ethiopia to the next Babylon over
Don’t let these lustful dreams blind your sight of the horror that they come from.
“I’m bleeding for you while you continue to go your own way.
You are the one that pleases me oh weary soul. I believe in you.
Join the fight and raise up your arms against the man with the horns.”
Now is the time for us to move.
This is the time for action. Break the ropes that tie us here.
Don’t climb in bed with that succubus.
She’ll claim your soul before you know and you’ll be stuck climbing out of the bottomless hole.
You have the key to release the chains and re-enter the light
This world is God’s. The Lord of Lords’.
We are Immortal.
If you believe join me.
We are Immortal.
This empire shall fall.

This Is It

"Son, this is it. This is it. You're gonna sink for your sins, unless grace be the wind."

Grace is a funny thing. It is an unfair thing. It is a scandalous thing. I'm learning to be all right with that. Will you join me?

Coordinates

Have you ever had a moment where you knew you were exactly where God wanted you to be?

This summer, I have had the legendary opportunity to be actively involved as youth staff in the youth group that I've pretty much been raised in. I've been attending Impact Community Church for just about 9 years now, which is half a year shorter than the church has been opened. Josh, has allowed myself and David Phillips to step in this summer and take control of games and recreational activities, which eventually led up to us basically in charge of Tuesday nights. It's been a heck of a lot of fun these past 11-ish weeks or so that I've been involved, and I've created a lot of memories that I will carry with me always.

Every Tuesday night was supposed to look different, and hopefully they did. The set up was never the same and when it came to the games and the overall feel of the night, David and I wanted everything to be intertwined with itself. Each night had a theme that we wanted to present to the students in a new way. Something visual, audible, tangible. We wanted every night to be real, and it took a lot of planning. David and I met at Jack In The Box on a regular basis to develop our thoughts and ideas and to decide how we would make each night memorable.

For me, the first night that I really felt like our mission was accomplished was Tuesday, July 14. This was the week we played strobe light capture the flag. It was also the first Tuesday after the Scream the Prayer tour (Best show ever). David and I wanted to be brutal with the message because the game was a representation of reality. We talked about Jesus returning like a thief in the night, and how we'll never know when the day of the Lord is to come. We have to fight our battles everyday because, in the words of For Today, "there will never be a second chance to live today for God." Epic right? The game was a million times more awesome. Blood was spilt. It was legendary. After the night, I had kids texting me and sending me messages on various social networking websites telling me how awesome and powerful the night was. Needless to say, I was stoked off of what God was going to do this summer.

The next week is by far my favorite. The theme: God never, ever stops seeking you. The game: Sardines (It's a classic. How could we not?). It's what happened after the game that is forever imprinted on my memory. I had the opportunity to share my testimony with about 57 kids (Josh took a sick picture that is now my background on my computer). It was amazing. There is a previous post about that night on here somewhere so look that up if you haven't read it. That night, however, was the night that did me in. It was the night were I knew that I was here for a reason. It was what I had been waiting for all summer. It was my chance to share my story and to help ease the pain that exists in this world for just a few people, and to be honest, I haven't really seen a lot of those people since. Of the 15 or so kids who talked with me afterwards, only about 6 of them have I seen since that night. I'm ok with that. There was a reason they were in the room. That was the night everything has led up to.

Every single week since than has been one of those, "God has surely moved in this place" moments for me. Last Tuesday we discussed persecution and how it drove the early church, and how it drives some modern churches to this very day. It was powerful, and I know it has changed lives.

And today, Sunday, was another one of those days. Josh and John, youth pastor and worship leader, respectively, were both gone on vacation. This act of God meant that David and myself were in charge of both student services, and that I was to lead worship. Stoked. I've never lead a team before. That's a lie. I did once, for the LINK at Hope, with Ausdin, Bryan, Hosanna, and freakin' JoJo. For me, music has always been the best way to connect with God. It can transcend everything. David and I got to share this during the Pause service, where we played songs from bands like Family Force 5, For Today, Sleeping Giant, As Cities Burn, and August Burns Red. It was sick. Anyways, it was beastly, having a chance to lead. I don't know how everyone reacted to it, but I had a good time, and the band had a good time. I know somewhere God moved, and that's all that matters.

But to the point: I'm super stoked for being in this town. As much as I complain about it, or make fun of it, God is still present in this city. This isn't Sodom or Gomorrah. It's a Jerusalem, or a Caesarea Philippi. It's still alive. Also, I post this because I want to thank anyone that has ever supported me, or come out on a Tuesday or a Sunday, or just dealt with my attitude and personality, that's a feat in and of itself.

Lastly, never be upset with where God has placed you, whether emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or geographically. It might suck at first, but good things come to those who show up, who allow themselves to be used for something bigger than their own glory. Get stoked off the little things because it makes the big things that much more awesome.

I apologize for the length of this blog. I just have one final thing to say. It's a quote by August Burns Red.

"The walls of a church don't make it holy. It's what's authentic that completes the sum of it's parts."

There is authenticity and legitimacy everywhere in the world. The Church is a group of people, not a place. Wherever you interact with Truth and Love and Hope and Authenticity, you are interacting with God. Soak in those moments. Remember that you are loved.

Thank you.

Danny

We will be the hopeful.

Question:

What does this mean to you?

Response to MTV's Real World: Cancun S22E5

If you have not seen this episode, you can view it here:

http://www.mtv.com/videos/the-real-world-cancun-ep-5-payback-piglets-and-projects/1616252/playlist.jhtml

This episode is heavy. The main issue is that of self-injury, something that I've had experiences with, and believe can be fully prevented and treated. Ayiiia feels unwanted and unloved. She feels like everyone of the male gender stands against her on the show. She feels alone. I understand that it may appear that Ayiiia is looking for attention and that she might be faking her feelings so that she gets more time on the air. I understand that it appears that she is a drama queen and blah, blah, blah. I get that. However, self-injury is no joke. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is real, and people's lives are taken from it. I feel that MTV handled this well, not the best, but well. I don't know what was happening behind the scenes, or how whether or not it was scripted or whether certain people were paid more to have less compassion or any of that. If it was not presented in the show I don't know about it. End of that story. When Ayiiia was cutting herself and acting out her agression, depression, what have you, she found herself in the arms of people that wanted to make a difference in her life. These people wanted the best for her, whether it was an encouraging word, a hug, or just their simple presence in tough times, I believe that these people reminded her that she is human and worth more. Even when Joey, CJ, and Bronne continuously insulted her and poured salt in Ayiiia's fresh wounds, these people stood by her and supported her and loved on her even though it was a situation beyond them. At the end of the episode were two things that significantly struck a chord within me. The first were the encouraging words of Emily? or Jonna (I've never watched this before). The words, "I know what it's like to reach rock bottom and have nobody, but I'm here for you," are so much more powerful than we often think. It reminds people that they are not alone in their struggles, that we are all on the same plane, and that there is hope for tomorrow. The second thing was the Public Service Announcement at the end of the show. It's as simple as this: go to this website, call this number. It's over. That's all it takes to make a difference. From the comments I've read on the page, numerous people that watch this show deal with, or have dealt, with the issue of self-injury. This show was distributed, via the internet and MTV, to millions of people across the globe. This was the chance for a life-saving conversation to spark. A chance for people to get help for the things they hide a way. A chance for hurt to be ceased. It's provided hope for thousands who only see the darkness before them. Though MTV's Real World: Cancun may not have been the best way to get reality before the world, it has, and it's worked. Today is the day an issue that has been ignored is given light. I believe MTV has done the right thing by airing this episode, and I'll take as much flak for that as can be dished out. This is why organizations like To Write Love On Her Arms exist. It's time to become a vulnerable people that let our issues be known. The only ways to kill the monsters in our closet is to open the door and stab at them, or blow the whole house up. One of TWLOHA's staff stated it like this: "When faced with an issue they don't understand, like self-injury, people can either antagonize, sympathize, or become apathetic."

If you struggle with this, there is hope. You are not alone. There are places like halfofus.com and Twloha.com that can provide a light. There are numbers you can call 1-800-DONTCUT, 1-800-SUICIDE, t-800-273-TALK. You don't have to carry this burden by yourself. You aren't the only one that has ever felt this way. There is a community of people that believes in you. You are worth more.

My God Is Greater

Last night I had the fantastic opportunity to do something that I've felt lead to do for about three years. I got up in front of a group of students, shared my testimony, and lead worship. If any of you know my story, you know how difficult it was for me to do this. I've been to a lot of dark places, but God has always sought after me and reminded me that I am worth something, and that I am remembered and never forgotten. This was the message I had a chance to share with 57 kids last night: you are worth more than the things you can do for others, you are worth more than the things you can't do for others, you are someone, you are God's unique creation, it's not about what you accomplish but rather your existence, you are worth something. God was totally in the room last night and it was proven when I lead the students and staff in two songs: "Dirty and Left Out" by The Almost, and "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan. These songs are two very powerful ones, and as I began to sang, the kids began to sing. In the middle of "How He Loves" I stopped playing and told the kids that when I hit the chorus the second time I wanted them to belt it out to God. I wanted them to sing as loud as possible to a God who doesn't care about pitch or tone, but who cares about what comes from the heart as opposed to the head. When I hit the chorus, I was not prepared for what I was about to hear. 57 kids were shouting at the top of their lungs and the whole room was filled with music. I instantly began to cry. God was moving in the spirits of these students. After I finished my set of everything, I had about 12 kids walk up to me and explain how much my words and songs meant to them. I had the chance to pray with a few of them, but talk with a lot and remind them that they are worth something. That they are beautiful people that God is going to use to lead a generation to Christ. God was in a garage in South Sacramento, Ca on a Tuesday night at 8 pm. God is moving this world, this generation of kids who hold beliefs so strong that they will never back down. My God will never back down. My God is greater than this world and a movement is about to blow the lid off of everything we have ever imagined.